1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
