that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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