someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
