I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
