I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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