New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
