I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
