Me too!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
