dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
