what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
