If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
