Christians are straight up FREAKS
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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