Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
