the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
