Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
