Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
