wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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