He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
