Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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