At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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