We won't sleep together?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
