I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
