I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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