The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
