In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
