He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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