so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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