This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
