Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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