So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
