Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
