it was like his penis was on wheels.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.