Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.