omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool