I think about you every night.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.