just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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