Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
"it" just moved
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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