he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
