i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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