Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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