I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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