Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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