There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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