You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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