I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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