He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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