plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
