he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
