at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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