hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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