how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
