Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
