When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
