the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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