Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
