Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
