hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
