Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
