I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
