I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
