I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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