I am puke
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
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Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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