there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
