i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
