I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize