I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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